I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize