Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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