I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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