you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
