yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
