I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize