I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
