Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
