I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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