I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
