I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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