well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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