Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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