you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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