I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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