When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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