and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
