I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
