Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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