hotel room ftw
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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