At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
