fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
