there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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