Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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