I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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