she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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