They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
