Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
