their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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