dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
