you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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