We won't sleep together?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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