My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm like, not good at living.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
