As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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