I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
