So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
