and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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