If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She even gives head with a lisp.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize