Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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