I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
