my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You did what with his pubic hair?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
