the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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