Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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