Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
