i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
