it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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