When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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