do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
