Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
