Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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