I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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