Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
