my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
either way he was missing a nipple.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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