I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Your mouth is God's brothel.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
