I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize