so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
