I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
