The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
false alarm. still invincible.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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