Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
