Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
