Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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