Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
