so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
