Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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