Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
nutella sex= disaster
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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