My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
