He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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