I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
