Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
