My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
