My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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