If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
