He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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