let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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