We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
