k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
