two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am one with the molecules
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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