C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
