she pinky promised me she was 18
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
