I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
