hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
