I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
