Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
