Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
