pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize