the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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