woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
