the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
