Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
