Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
