it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
