Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
