if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had sex on a roof
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
