I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish my penis had a tongue
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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