what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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