Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
