A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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