Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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