So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
