TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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