I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
