i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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