1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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