Umm I'm too high to move.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize