is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
