Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
