I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
