Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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