I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
