How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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